Song #96: Jon LaJoie - "Let Me See Your Genitals 2: E=MC Vagina"

Three times Chris has come to the rescue in terms of my hearing of a song I’ve never heard before. That’s my younger brother, for those of you playing at home (as if you are). This time, however, he managed to pull something out from absolutely nowhere that I did not expect from him at all. Although, now that I’ve heard it, I’m somewhat less surprised.

“Vagina


Vagina


I want to have sex with your vagina”

Meet Jon LaJoie. This comedian has already had one YouTube hit with Show Me Your Genitals, and couldn’t see the harm in throwing a sequel out to the web. Show Me Your Genitals 2: E = MC Vagina continues on with absolutely ridiculous lyrics, sending up the over-sexualisation of commercial hip-hop/pop rap music and delivered entirely in a brilliant deadpan. Admittedly, it does get irritating towards the end, with the song running out of ideas (wasn’t there only one to begin with?) and it’s the kind of thing someone out of high school probably shouldn’t be enjoying. Still, it was fun while it lasted. The guy has a few good ideas, going from the rest of his YouTube channel. Nice one.

FINAL RATING (/10): 6

Devour the video belowhand. Belowhand is now a word. Deal with it.



x
David

Song #94: Nickelback - "Never Gonna Be Alone"

What can be said that hasn’t already been about these guys? They’ve devolved from a somewhat ambitious rock band with a few catchy tracks in their arsenal (Leader of Men, How You Remind Me) to the epitome of what’s gone wrong with radio rock music. They are currently in the realm of glossy, ugly and mostly downright awful music that takes no brains to create and even less to enjoy.

Apparently this little number has been poisoning the airwaves since September of last year, but I’d thankfully avoided it up until now. In fact, all I’ve heard from the band lately is that song they do for the theme song of WWE Raw, which is bloody annoying. Speaking of bloody annoying, did they REALLY need to do another syrupy ballad about fuck-all? Chad Kroeger goes all cassanova with slow drums, simple chords and quite possibly the worst harmonies in any Nickelback song ever. Completely uneccessary, irritating turd of a song, this one. Like you expected any less.

FINAL RATING (/10): 1.5

Fuck 'em.

x
David

Song #81: Artists for Haiti - "We Are The World 25 For Haiti"

What the fuck is this shit.

I mean, really.

I'm all for Haiti charity and disaster relief.

But really.

Why not a new song?

What the fuck is Celine Dion doing?

A RAP? With LL FUCKING COOL J?

This is just.

No.

FINAL RATING (/10): 3

Gets a 1.5 for the cause and 1.5 for the song.

x
David

Song #31: Justin Bieber - "One Time"

In today's WTF moment: this shit came on MTV at 2 in the morning and left myself and my little brother completely speechless. I mean, the fact MTV was playing music videos was a shocker in itself, but the VIDEO! What the hell! This kid was like twelve, dude. How the fuck do you pull chicks like that at that age - I didn't even get a girlfriend until I was at least sixteen, fuckdammit!

Then it dawned on me - I really wanted to listen to this again. I have no idea why!! Shit, I loved Hanson back in the day, that might have something to do with it. But the bigger shock came when I went to search for the video - apparently 20 million fucks worldwide had the exact same reaction as me! Damn his boyish good looks!

Let's brief - dude is a YouTube sensation, got discovered at 12, is signed to Usher's label and has like four hit singles (this included). And I'm four years older than him. Jesus titty-fucking Christ, if that doesn't make you feel inferior, I don't know what would.

The song itself is a modern-rnb pipsqueak slow jam that's insufferably cute (like how Crush on You by Aaron Carter was) and inescapably catchy. I don't want to listen to anything else, and I feel fucked in the head as a result of this. Not a good sign for my health, but this is all kind of amazing.

FINAL RATING (/10) FROM MY HEAD: 0

FINAL RATING (/10 FROM MY HEART: 100

This is terrible, and I know it's terrible, but it's so fucking good! What am I going to do?

xoxoxo
D